What Should I Do?

This article is a work of pure fiction. In no way does it relate to or replicate someone’s real life experience.

Hi, I’m Tracy. You don’t know me and I don’t know you but I want you to hear my story. Where do I begin? I could begin with where I am right now. I’m in a clinic located in the outskirts of Nairobi CBD. No, I’m not sick and I certainly am not injured. The reason for my visit is quite different; I’m about to become a murderer.

Never in my life have I ever thought that I would take someone’s life. I just couldn’t see myself doing it. Many a times, I have seen cold blooded murders being reported in the news and see the culprits being just fine. “How do they do that?” I kept asking myself. Turns out persistence pays. My question was about to be answered in a few moments.

How do I feel? Nervous. That isn’t quite bad compared to how I felt last week. It all happened too fast and I was too busy trying to play catch up.

So, I messed up.

Things were going great with this guy I used to date. Derrick was his name. There was nothing particularly outstanding about him; he was your average man in society. What I did like about him was the fact that he was always there for me. It almost felt like I was a child again; being pampered all the time and your needs being catered for all the time.

How did we meet? In the campus library. I kid you not. To be honest, I wasn’t there to study; I just wanted to update my laptop and download my favorite shows. Besides, I pay for the Wi-Fi every semester so I better make good use of it. While I was busy browsing the internet for memes, he came. He had this nice V-neck shirt and ripped jeans with some nice pair of Chuck Taylors; a standard look for any guy.

“Hi, can you share your Wi-Fi hotspot?” I didn’t know you could do that. All I knew is that you had to come with an Ethernet cable and plug in to the port and you are good to go. Turns out Windows can open up a mobile hotspot from the connection you are using. Don’t blame me, I don’t know much about computers.

You can imagine how dumb I looked when I said I can’t share my Ethernet cable. He just laughed and asked if he could use my laptop to open the hotspot. As he was busy doing his thing, he said, “Nice, your laptop has NVIDIA graphics. It can run FIFA 19 smoothly”. Again, I didn’t know what he was talking about. I remember buying a laptop just for assignments and watching Jane the Virgin.

Shortly afterwards, he was connected and he sat next to me. At this point you might think I was staring at how cool and sexy he looked. Quite the contrary, I found him rude. We didn’t talk for like 40 minutes until he broke the ice about how he is happy Jesse Lingard wouldn’t be playing in the upcoming match against Arsenal. “Good riddance. We don’t want him to be dancing at the Emirates again”. That remark got me triggered. How dare he? Jesse Lingard is bae (still is).

The next thing I know; we were busy engaged in football banter. None of us knew how intense it was until the librarian fined us Ksh 200 for not maintaining silence and asked us to leave the premise. I begged her to allow me to stay for ten more minutes as the last episode was almost done downloading. She didn’t want to hear any of it.

We left the building laughing at how silly we were talking about football in the library. That’s when he asked if I wanted something to eat. How could I say no? I mean food is bae (my day one bae). And that’s how the relationship began.

Temptations are so tempting

Quick diversion; the nurse has come to check up on me. She has assured me that it will be over in a couple of minutes. I have a hard time believing that. Why? I googled the probability of me getting out alright and it was sitting at 29%. Yes, I know Googling some stuff can make the situation worse. I remember this one time when I was sneezing every two minutes. I googled why this was happening and I found out that it was an early symptom for chicken pox. Quickly, I made an appointment with the doctor only to tell me that I was only reacting to an allergy; It was that new detergent I got.

Back to the story.

It had been like 7 months into the relationship. That was longer than any other relationship that I have ever had; you could say that I had found the one. Even when we had our spats, he would bribe my ass with two hotdogs. I wish you could see me eating those babies with delight but still trying to show him how mad I am. Good times I tell you.

Everything was going great until this guy came along. Ron was the name of that sexy beast. Our first meet was at this cocktail festival me and my girlfriends attended a couple of months back. I remember me giving me those looks; something close to what Trey Songz would give you and you wouldn’t resist. At that moment, I felt like my legs would stop supporting me; they were so weak. Want to know what made it worse? He approached me.

Before you start yelling at me about how I should have told him I have a boyfriend and what not, hear me out. Have you ever met someone who just makes you feel…I don’t know; they just give you the feels. And you probably have one chance of getting to smash the guy. Hey, it happens to the best of us. Curiosity is one nasty motherfucker.

So, he approached me and immediately complimented my looks. For the record, I was slaying it that day. He offered to buy drinks for all of my girlfriends only if he could bring his friends along. And don’t get me started about his friends. Father Almighty. It was a clique of the finest boys in town. Even my girlfriends didn’t stop me from being with the guy, they were getting some fine guys too. It was a win-win situation.

After a long evening of drinks, dancing and funny jokes, he took me to his place. My mind was made up; it was a one-night thing and forget it ever happened. How wrong I was. The sex turned out to be the best I ever had. Period. No disrespect to Derrick but damn. Damn. You can imagine the kind of impact it had on my relationship. Whenever Derrick tried to get me into the sheets, I would turn him away with the most random of excuses. One time, I played the period card, which meant I had to fake being emotional and being in a lot of pain. The funniest had to be that one time he set the mood for us to get it on but I decided to force myself to vomit.

Get this, he made me a three-course meal consisting of rice, well-steamed cabbage and medium-rare steak. No doubt that it was the best dish I have ever had but I didn’t want us to get to the sheets. I had to do something. It hurt me as much it hurt him to see me getting ill from his wonderful cooking. Soon, however, he found out why I was behaving like that.

One of his friends caught me hopping on to a black vintage Mercedes Benz. This word got to Derrick almost immediately because I got a phone call asking about my whereabouts. Confidently, I responded that I was going to visit my elder brother. A few moments later, I got an image sent to me showing how I was busy kissing Ron as soon as I hopped on to the vehicle. Normally, I would have panicked and started begging for forgiveness but I responded by saying it was a matter of time before he found out and wished him a good life. Besides, I was about to have my dick appointment; no need to ruin the mood.

Never mess with that one law

As I was scrolling through my phone a couple of weeks later, I got that important notification. You know, THE notification. It will sound weird to guys but we ladies have this app that tells us when our cramps are due. Amazing and weird at the same time. So, it was that time again and I prepared myself for the inevitable. “Let’s get this over with”.

Nothing happened. No cramps, no weird cravings, nothing. Perhaps I was having those painless months. Nope. Two weeks later, I got worried. I decided to call my bestie and ask her about what it meant and all I remember her saying is “I’m on my way”. That wasn’t a good sign. Hurriedly, she came with a pregnancy test kit and urged me to do it immediately. She seemed worried about my wellbeing.

It was positive. Suddenly, I felt like karma was coming back to haunt me. I found myself crying and my bestie came to my side to comfort me. She convinced me to call Ron and tell him about it. At first, I was skeptical but I decided to tell him anyway. Dialing his number one numeral after the other felt like consecutive stabs to the heart.

“Hey, uhm, I need to tell you something” I said. What surprised me is how well he took it. “Not to worry. We can get rid of it before it gets risky. I’ll send over some cash and recommend you to a clinic”. Not the response I was expecting but I was relieved. It was good of him to rectify his mistake by saving both of our asses.  I don’t think my parents would ever accept me as one of their own ever again. In a family full of successful professionals, I was about to the rotten egg.

Shortly afterwards, he sent the money as he promised and sent the location pin. That would make it easier for me to go there with a cab. I told Susan about it and she agreed to escort me to the place. All I could think about at that moment is getting things back to normal. You could say that I was relieved.

That, now, is a different story. Here I am, on the bed waiting for the doctor to come and do what needs to be done. In as much as I want my life back, I can’t help but wonder if I really want to go back to being the Tracy that led me here. Let’s face it, I made some bad decisions all in the name of having fun. My good relationship with Derrick ended because of my curiosity, ended up with a guy with some serious dick game and now I want to end a life all in the name of getting my life back. I can’t help but wonder; did I really enjoy being that kind of person.

The doctor is about to step into the room any minute now. I feel like time has slowed down intentionally for me to think this through. Do I really want to do this? I can’t help but think of all the consequences that will arise if I decide to keep the baby. It’s not like the consequences are any better if I commit murder. God, this is too much for me to take. Susan is not here to give me her point of view. Perhaps you can. What should I do?

Elvis Mwangi

Student of life, Blogger, Audiophile. Lol.

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